The Year Is 2009

So recently there has been a lot of talk about this thing called Christmas. I'm not sure if you have heard about it so I’ll give you a brief introduction to it. Basically, or as far as I can understand, around 2000 years ago (give or take a couple of years) there was this baby born. He then later grew up into a man and became a sort of magician of some kind. I hear he was better than David Blaine... anyway. Apparently because this dude was so good at magic, people still celebrate his birth. Yeah, I suppose it similar to Winston Churchill day. Although it’s celebrated in December, despite this bloke being born sometime around March... but hey, I didn't write the rules. The best part about it is that people give presents out just wily nilly. So back to the main point. People have been asking, what do you want for Christmas? And I’m like? What do you mean? They’re asking me what present they should buy me. Now let’s not forget that I just celebrated my birthday... (See the last blog for proof, oh, it was good by the way) so now I’m getting 2 lots of presents. MENTAL!

Also, as its December, that means that it’s almost New Year! Not the Chinese new year of course because there arsey, and have their own sometime next year. But it’s this year for them. I know, confusing right! So I thought i'd do a little summary of the things I liked about 2009 (two-thousand-and-nine):

Music: - Top 5 Albums (in no order)

• White Lies - To Lose My Life
• Kasabian - West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
• 30 Seconds To Mars - This Is War
• Julian Casablancas - Phrazes for the Young
• The Cribs - Ignore the Ignorant

Movies: - Top 5 Cinema Release* (in no order)

• The Hangover
• District 9
• The Soloist
• Watchmen
• Star Trek

*I am yet to see Avatar, and Sherlock Holmes is not yet released, but I think these could be contenders.

Seen as though this week has seen the passing of yet another celebrity, I have decided to name the 5 celebrities that have died this year, that have had an impact on the world.

• Michael Jackson
• Les Paul (think guitar)
• Bobby Robson
• Farrah Fawcett
• Brittany Murphy

Other than that. I have nothing else to say, other than:

Congratulation to Rage Against The Machine who managed to keep X-Factor Joe off the top of the Christmas chart. It was one of the most exciting Christmas chart races for year. I know I bought 3 copies... how about you??

a long awaited party...

Now before you jump down my throat and demand to know why I haven't been writing a blog recently, why don't you stop to think...? I’m not a performing monkey, nor do I condone the enslavement of monkeys to force them to perform! Although, I do enjoy seeing a monkey wearing shorts! And drinking tequila! But only if that’s what they want to do, and are not being forced to do so by anyone!

But that's beside the point. The reason I have not been writing as much recently is simply because of late I have had a hell of a lot less free time! what with the excessive amount of uni work recently, and being in lectures 5 days a week, and in work for 8hours + 2 days a week, its barley surprising that the blog has not been a focal point of my day to day routine. I don't even have anything up my sleeve that I had planned to talk about. I really just decided that I would sit down and type and see what comes out. So far it has turned out to be a load of babble.

As the title suggests, there is a party on the way. Yes that's right people. The mysterious 'Elliot' after who this blog is named is real, and as such has a birthday. That day is coming up. Now I shan't disclose the age that he will be but it’s a big’en. As such there is a party planned and will be taking place soon. I personally am excited. And I believe that others are excited too. It’s going to be more epic than Bilbo Baggins party in LOTR. Well, it would be if there turns out to be a couple of midgets there and a dragon! And let’s not forget the finest weed in all the shire!

But enough of that. Let’s get back to the main creative side of this ere blog. Recently, in between the hard work of university and work, I have been working on a screen play. A movie screen play. What do you mean you find that hard to believe? Why? I know you haven't heard of it, that’s because at the moment it’s a secret. Well I think your just being awkward now. Right that’s it. I’m not going to tell you about the screen play if that’s the attitude you’re going to take. F*$K YOU TOO! No one is making you read this are they? Don’t walk away from me whilst I’m talking to you! Don’t you dare slam that door! Oh you don’t know what you have just started!

I’m sorry about that, but I’m always getting rattled about my screen play. Anyway, all of this talk has got me thinking. Recently, I was told by 3 people that I have neat handwriting. I’m not trying to brag or anything, it’s just a fact. 2 of these were off close relatives. Close relatives that didn't actually believe that I had written in their birthday card, because the writing was so neat, and they did not recognise it. I mean seriously? When was the last time you saw my handwriting. Everything these days is written four you in the form on Times New Roman, or if you’re really lucky, Ariel. When was the last time that you actually write anything down? Anything important I mean. I don't mean when you make a list of things that you need to do for the day:

1. Wake up

2. Eat breakfast

3. Read Elliot's Blog

4. Question Elliot's sanity when he has arguments with himself on a blog.

5. Take a mid-day nap

6. Wake up

7. Eat breakfast... oh wait, I've already done that. But if I wake up again surely I start the list again... so I will have to have breakfast again, and then re-read the blog. Which would be pointless because I’ve all ready done that? But if I don't wake up then that means.... oh no! Man this list making malarkey is difficult. Oh well. I’ll have to make a note of that on my other list, and remind myself not to make a list because it’s too difficult.

Ok, so admittedly not everyone does that. And not even a lot of people do that. It’s just a select few that do it. And I am no knocking it gosh no I love it. Not in the way a baby loves cocaine, but I find it to be a quirky addition to you! Also, don’t give babies cocaine. That’s ridiculas. That’s how cholera is spread! And you don’t want a baby with cholera. Trust me. It’s nothing but buy this, pet that. Allow this......

One final question:

Does anyone know where I can get myself a Mysterious Looking Bird... or a French Ostrich... or a Half Blind, but with heightened senses iguana??

Let me know....

why is it that people think that its a good idea to stand in a cold wet bog for prolonged periods of times.... it isn't! its just cold god damn it! regardless, i spent a whole day doing exactly this, with a woman who i can only imagine has won awards for being the dullest person alive. the day previous to this was again spent in a cold wet environment. this time it was a beach. now your probably thinking... "i thought beaches were meant to be hot and sunny" and "why do you spend so much time in odd locations". it is only fair that i give you answers. yes some beaches are hot and sunny, but not when ones in Merseyside in Winter. and the reason i spend my time in odd locations is because I'm a sex pest... no that's not true. but i am a geographer who "loves" looking at random crap in 'odd locations' (Hyndman, 09)

yeah that's right, i just referenced myself. what are you gona do about this? nothing i didn't think so.

i apologise for sounding aggressive then. i was out of line, i apologise.

so in other recent news... i spent a whole day 'fixing' my laptop. i purchased a new keyboard off eBay.. i bought some new screwdrivers, and i set out to change the keyboard. only to find out that my laptop had been designed to never EVER be taken apart. screws that are holding nothing to nothing, but somehow restrict the thing being taken apart!! so after spending a long day, of which i should be spending writing my dissertation (ok so my literature review, but that's still dissertation)i managed to replace the keyboard, and put it back together. only to find that the thing doesn't work! well it does, but only 3 keys!! i was , to say the least. annoyed!

so i went out and bought a wireless keyboard and mouse which are working excellently!

i haven't really had time to check out any movies recently, i was scheduled to go and see "this is it" earlier on tonight but for reasons that i wont go into, the event was cancelled. saw 6 came out at the cinema recently, as saw has done for the last 6 years... and needless to say this film will involve people being put in situations that will inevitably lead to their death... predictably, they will all die... i imagine

if anyone out there has any get rich quick plans... let me know. it will be greatly appreciated.

otherwise all donations are accepted.

references:

Hyndman. E., 2009 Several Rules of Life...

Knubbig - 601

what with the global economic crisis what it is i have not had to much free time to write a blog. however, seen as though the moons of Endor are aligned with the 3rd planet in the outer rim, i have found the time to write this one.
recent discovery of the 99p subway voucher has seen me consuming my 7th in 9 days. give or take a few. needless to say, i have only missed two days of subway. this is in part down to 2 of my followers. the 1st being Mel. she happens to be the person who forced the vast quantity of vouchers into my hand. the second person is Vikki. as she happily accepted the 'hand-me-down' vouchers, she has insisted that i go with her every day. only two days left on the vouchers. so its safe to say after the 15th of this month. it might be a while before i find enough courage to pay full price for a sandwich!

also during the time spent away from this blog i have decided to begin work on my life long (so far) work "The Several Rules of Life". naturally this hasn't taken me to log, as so far i have only managed to think of 3. or perhaps 2...

1. Never under any Circumstance should you run for the Bus. - you were either late for the bus arriving and therefore you deserve to miss the bus. its your own fault. or the bus driver is in a hurry so he wont wait for you even if he does see you running. he is a tool! any outcome of running for the bus sees you looking like an idiot an that's not worth the hastle. just wait 3 mins
for the next one!

2. Never run across the road! equally as above, you will look stupid. don't do it. if you are to unaware, and lets say... stupid to realise there is traffic coming then perhaps being run over will teach you to check the road (it did for me). if you see traffic coming carry on crossing at your current speed. Bite he bullet and let the driver slow down and give you an angry stare! at a push he might hurl abuse at you. if you get run over, as i previously said, it might make u avoid such incidences in the future. either way, its your fault.

3. Never look a gift horse in the mouth! - there just trying to be nice. also their breath usually smells bad eurgh!

as you can see. the work is far from complete. however as this is a liefs long work, you shouldn't be expecting to see this hit the shelf for quite some time hopefully. or perhaps you will if i follow number 2 and get run over. in which i shall be dead and will therefore will publish "The Incomplete Rule of Life"

during the winter days of December i shall be turning 21, and somebody proposed that i have a fancy dress party. this got me thinking. what could i do that no-one else has done. this then lead me to think about the cast and crew that are the McDonald's gang! not the greasy workers. no no no. the Ronald McDonald gang that the chain is named after! sadly, these happy characters don't seem to be around any more which is always upsetting to realise.
1. Ronald "the big dog" McDonald
2. The Ham Bugerler
3. That Purple Thing
4. The Girl with curly Hair

and that's all i can think of sadly. more work, (and possibly help of google) will help me find the answer!
so for this week, i shall leave you with this conundrum, however racist it may be
"2 black guys in a car, who's driving?"


this blog was planned and wrote on location in Victoria Talbot's Flat. No animals were harmed in the making. however, i did drink some of Vik's Tea. and i dont like tea. it wasn't nice!

i ahm not shootin that fookin prawn!

as the evil tyrany that is the students loans company, or stdents finance england or whatever decetfull name their using at the moment, is currently controlling my life. not alot has been happening in my world. thats not to say i havnt done my best on a total of £3. i did manage a night out at the cheeky monkey event of the week. and gained myself a free inflatable monkey! this, however was to be the total outgoings on what should have been an otherwise loud week. i mad ehte most of my time catching up on films. i managed to watch adventureland 500 days (of summer) and watched district 9 for the third time. i shall be reviewing these later on.

so seen as though i managed to avoid almost all freshers like the plauge. i somehow managed to catch their deadly desease. ok. so admitably it might not be as deadly as i once made it out to be. but neverless it was still nasty and kept me of work for several days. freshers flu! pshh.

i find it rather annoying that in my last year of uni, i catch freshers flu, an illness i had previosly managed to evade, dispite having spent more time with freshers in the Predeceasing years.

during my time of from alcohol however, i did manage to spend alot of time with a certain friend of mine who is well on her way to having a baby. as such, i encounterd my first baby kick. and i must say it was not to be missed.

as promissed i shall be reviewing some movies.

first of all, advenureland

this has been a long awaited release for me. i am very much a fan of bill hader, who doesnt play a major role in the film but his character stil makes it for me. the film is set in the 80's in a small town in usa. the film takes place over one summer where one fella gets a job at a themepark. and ofcourse, he finds a girl he like. who happens to be having illicit sex with non other than ryan reynolds. as usual all works out in the end which makes for a hapy ending. the film was not as funny as i had expected, but there was some laugh out loud moments. the soundtrack is nothing less than excelent with hits from all over the 80s.

i will give this a 4 tulip rating

second movie is 500 days (of summer)

as the title suggests, this is a romantic comedy. boy meets girl. boy falls in love with girl. girl is smoing hot and doesnt want to commit but will enjoy the time shes having with him but not really let herself be branded as a girlfriend until the end of the film when she gets married to a random blokey. the story doesnt follow the normal chronology in the sense that it jumps from day 2 to day 398 back to day 50 and so on an so on. as a result the film is rather dificult to keep track of. i really ended up sympathising with the main character until the very last scene where abouts he met a girl called autumn, and the day 1 of autumn began. at this point i realsed they guy is a dusch and should not be llet near the females of this world.

non the less it was a good film so recieves a 3 tulip rating.

fighting.

need a really review this film. its about a guy who can fight, and does so at nearly all opertunities. needless to say he gets alot o money in the end. the script is bad, the acting is worse and the fight scenes are nothing short of pathetic.

0.5 tulips for this one. barley scraping through because theres a hot girl in it.

District 9.

now the fact that i have seen this film no less than 3 times, doesnt make my jugment any differnt. this is definatly going to be one of the hot films of the year. starting off with a comical view of aliens living in south africa, you slowley start to realise that this is a pun on apartied and is how people were treated during it. i dont have a bad word to say about this film. the cgi is fantastic, the weapons are amaising the main characther is an absolute hero "wikus van de merwe" im informed that this film is also made on quite a low budget and as such makes the film all the more spectacular. everything in this film works to make it my film of the year so far.

6 tulips goes to this film (out of 5)

films to look out for.

Avatar

Law abiding citizen

The Firm

there are other but right now i cant think

sweet disposition

part one...
recently i have observed one or two little things... as per usual i hear you say. yes i reply. yes yes yes.

firstly i think it is fantastic how one little advert can rocket a band into the charts. i am of course referring to the V festival add. and the song, sweet disposition by the temper trap. now i like this song. so much that i downloaded the album. i cant help but hope that the band doesn't become defined my the success of this song.

other bands that have had similar success include:

• gossip


• the noisettes

i didn't mention the song name because if my theory is correct. then u all ready know the song!

my second observation is that school is back for the year. well until half term at least. which means but only one thing!

FRESHERS WEEK!

yes freshers week is on the way people. seven days to get drunk and party with randoms!!

Noo that wasn't really the 2nd thing. well it sorta is but that's only because the original one left my mind to go pursue a Carree in Hollywood.

part two....

i recently got the keys to my new house. its nice. I'm yet to fully move all my stuff into tho. obviously your all welcome. that is assuming that i know you. you know what. even if know you i might not like you so its probably best to not just turn up. ring ahead if your planning on coming round. i might not be in. or i might be in and i might just not want you to come round. so yeah. new house. it does involve more bus travel to and from, which is OK... for now. i would rather not have to do it but that's the life i lead now i suppose.

part three...

so this is the main section of the blog. the rest was just random stuff that i decided needed to be said. although, not necessarily read. if you did read it however, that was your choice and as such waver all rights to complain about the stated sections.

Matthew Street Festival

was good to say the least. i witnessed a spectacle. the city centre of Liverpool was turned into a field! well, minus the mud. but you know what i mean. so seen as though i was in work on the Sunday, i missed the bands for this day. i did however catch the tail end of an excellent covers band in the goose ??? ???? queen. Monday rolls in, and i go to watch the bands. i even take Dan along with me too. Tom was having none of it. sadly i missed some of the bands i had hoped to see. The Thrillers, and Dizzy Lizzy to name 2. however i was pleasantly please with the Antarctic Monkeys, and Kins of Leon on the Tunnel Stage. and Elevation and a Rory Gallagher tribute on the Superlamb Banana stage. special note should be taken to the Kins of Leon who sounded and looked just like the real thing. i was surprised by the sheer amount of people who was there as well. it was fantastic. all upon till on the way back to my mothers rented apartment in Liverpool one, it started to rain. and i mean RAIN! so naturally i got soaked and had to sit in fore mentioned apartment in just my boxers whilst the clothes were in the drier.

the rest, we shall say is history

stay off drugs!

the long awaited return

readers beware, your in for a scare...

or as it is more than likely. your not. seen as though this blog is just a rambling bunch of seemingly uninteresting activities and thoughts by moi! Elliot =D

1st on the agenda is:
i apologise for the lack of blogs recently. there are several reasons for this. i shall relay some of these to you now.
1. my laptop is still dodgy, and it is a pain to type on.
2. i recently moved into a new house and there is no Internet.
3. i recently rediscovered diablo 2 and have been playing constantly
5. i have avidly been trying to turn into a dinosaur by repeating "the natural confectionery company" over and over... so far no such luck.

if like me you are confused at the lack of reason number 4, it was there but i opted out of using it. it was lame. much like Nemi!

q. so what have you been up to Elliot?
a. i just told you!

q. why have there not been blogs recently?
a. again i just told you. stop with the questions all ready!

q. why do you think Nemi is lame?
a. i don't think Nemi is lame. it just happens that he is lame. sux to be him i spose

A List of Celebrity Bears:
yogi bear
pom bear
Winnie the pooh
fozzie bear
super ted
teddy t
bear grylls
padding ton bear
balou
Rupert bear
sooty
bare naked ladies


now then. all bears aside. its time for the hot topic of the week.
Big Brother
i am not a fan. i don't claim to be anything other than a loather for the show! However. it is particularly difficult to hate the show this year because they brought a gem into our lives. the one and only sophie reade! if you don't know who she is. google her! in fact even if you do no who she is. google her! she is lovely. =D
actually i do still hate the show! i hate everything about it!
and i hate you if you watch it!!!

first of all i would like to praise the weather. sunny. raining. sunny. overcast. spitting. how i love thee. thank you for such a variety! meanwhile, little old me is sat inside waiting for 5 minutes of 'nice' weather so that i can dash outside and get on the trampoline. this is the highlight of my day. those 5 minutes of bouncing up and down and up and down. then i fall. i will confess to not being a professional. tho i am getting better.

so ill tell you why I'm on a trampoline, or as it goes, lack of trampoline. 11 years ago i was graced with a cousin. who has recently finished school for the summer holidays. the task has fallen upon me to look after her during the day whilst her parents are at work bringing in the big bucks! naturally i figured this would be a good way to fill the long summer days. that and the incentive of being paid at the end of the day. as one man once said "Elliot is living the dream" however, living the dream is great except for when the dream involves my cousin Louise!

all was going well. the first day there was sun! this allowed me to get some trampoline action. the following days however have been a glorious shade of haze. almost as if the weather is going through some emotional break up.
so i started watching the television:
9.00am Friends double bill
10.00am The O.C
now i will admit i have seen all of the episodes for both shows on more than one occasion. oh the joys of being a student. however. it was the final series of friends which i have not seen for a while so i was pleased with this outcome. Monday and Tuesday went to plan. Wednesday however was the break from babysitting to go to the corporate lifestyle and the world of ODEON. at the time this was a welcomed break. i also decided to pick up a copy of Harry Potter: The Deathly Hallows to read on the train.
the next day i resume my old routine only to find that i had missed the last two episodes! Frightfully annoyed i was. so i decided to carry on reading. and reading some more. i read until the book was finished. which wasn't to long.

at the fear of rambling i will wrap up this edition of Elliot's Thaughts. however i will list some of the most annoying comments regarding my food recently:
1. "eeewwww that makes me feel sick" - Cheese on toast
2. "your weird" - cheese on toast
3. "that looks disgusting" - Cornish Pasty
4. "*fake gagging noise* EURGH!" - Budweiser BBQ Sauce

ITS NOT LIKE IM MAKING YIOU EAT IT!!!

Funny Old Week

Since the last blog not a lot has happend.

actually. this is a total lie.

like a motorist hitting a dog whilst speeding, i had quite and accident. yes, i did the stupidest thing of the week by far.... split Ribenna alll over my laptop.. so that was out of action for several days. however this encouraged me to purchase some new PS3 games. i say new.... they are both pre-owned and old. Assassins Creed and Pure. so far Pure has taken up the majority of my time.

there was also my uncles 50th which anyone who was there will tell u was a good gig. seen as though my cousin is only 16. it fell upon me to make sure the "youngones" had a good time. foolish old me. the well known fact that no-one, and i mean no-one, drinks like a 16year old (think about it)(see Zophres Curve)*, slipped my mind. needless to say, i had a good time despite getting attacked on the trampoline at 2am. naturally i woke up with a terrible hang over..... nasty

thats all im going to say for now as it is very difficult to type as the keyboard is still slightly broken. if you see a lack of "x c v m" in this text. its because them keys are broken still. i dont want any comments refering to me as a spacker! you know who u are.....

*

Oh, i was also upset to hear that Little Man Tate are splitting up. I know right!

Time Well Spent

It seems that into days society, it is increasingly difficult to find part time temporary work. Because of which, i have found myself commiting to continue working at my current job, at great expense. mainly location. Once a week, i am commuting to and from Liverpool to work at the Odeon. Thus leaving me with nothing to do during the day

week 1:

How I Met Your Mother.

excelent way to spend time... watching 4 series of How I Met Your Mother back to back. having found myself in some similar experiences to those in the series, i quickly warmed to the series. also it has the added bonus of having the genius that is Jason Segal in it. i have now also found a new character to go on the list of greats. Barney Stinson.

week 2.

Pokemon:

We are no entering week 2. it is in fact the second day. tuesday. 2 days ago i happend to stumble accross a pokemon emulater on my laptop. so i subsequently have spent the last few days playing that. just reached the pokemon league and am strugeling. tho a little while longer i shall beat all 4! mwahaha! i have noticed several things on the game that need mentiong. why do the other trainers only carry 3 pokemon at a time. obviosly im going to beat them when i have 6 superior pokemon! also. the mischevious team rocket are still lingering. they annoy me most. they have the worst possible pokemon and dont really deserve to have such a cool name as team rocket.

this inbetween learning random song on my guitar and listening to alot of music is basically what i have been doing over the last week and a half. i went to see Kasabian this time last week. that was excelent. oh, and i constructed myself a guitar slide today. pretty constructive really. now to learn to play slide.....

hopefully next week will bring a new phase to last the week. otherwise who knows what i will be doing. i cannot stand daytime tv. with the exceptions of One Tree Hill on E4.

Oh, I also think i have been scammed on ebay!!!!